


A Haunting Past

by JFACHardyzRKO



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bottom!Stiles, Eventual Sterek, Graphic Descriptions of Rape, M/M, Rape, Top!Derek, aftermath of rape, attempted suicide, consensual sterek sex, non-con, they make love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 00:49:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JFACHardyzRKO/pseuds/JFACHardyzRKO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has a secret that no one, not even Scott, knows about. It happened before Scott was bitten, but the memories remain. And now, on the one year anniversary, how will Stiles deal with those haunting memories?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Haunting Past

**Author's Note:**

> Well, clearly, if you read the tags, this is a SUPER triggery story. Please don't read if rape & suicide bother you! 
> 
> I promise there's a happy ending though so, ENJOY!!

“No please. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t. Don’t do this. Please.” Small whines escaped his throat as the older man entered him. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want this at all. “Uh…please. No.” The motion of the man going in and out of him made him sick. He just wanted him to stop. He just wanted to be out of here. Out of this place. Out of this life. He didn’t know how much more he could take. Tears streamed out of his eyes and down his face as the man picked up pace; clearly getting pleasure out of this. He tried one last time, a final plea, to get the man to stop. “Please,” he said in between sobs, “stop. It hurts so…uh. Stop.” But the man didn’t stop. He wouldn’t. And he should have known. He should have known that the sick son of bitch wanted him to plea. To cry out in desperation. He clearly didn’t like willing participants in his sex acts. The man looked up at him; directly into his eyes and smiled. He winked at him as his thrusts began to become more erratic. He was clearly close. There were hands all over. On his thighs. On his chest. Pinning his hands to the mattress. The man was only human; how he could do all of that with two hands was beyond him, but it made him loathe him even more. He couldn’t even fight back. He had to just take it. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh God yesssssssssss,” the man cried out as he emptied himself into the younger boy. After he came down off of his orgasmic high, the man motioned the boy to the bathroom. “We have to get you cleaned up,” he said. The boy obliged, not wanted to get struck again by heavy hands. “In the shower. Now,” the man instructed him. He got into the shower and felt the sting of the hot water against his skin. The man washed him thoroughly, inside and out; drowning any evidence of the crime in the hot water. When he was satisfied with his work, the man dressed and went out the same window he had used to get in; leaving the boy in the shower. When he was sure the man was gone, he got out of the shower, dried off, dressed and went to curl up in the chair in the corner of his room. He cried, for what seemed like hours, until he drifted off into a semi peaceful dreamland. 

*Exactly one year later* 

“Hey man, coming over tonight? Derek is going to kick Jackson’s ass in a late night training session!” 

“Uh, yeah. Sounds great,” Stiles said halfheartedly. 

“You okay man? You seem kinda…I don’t know…out of it the last couple days.” 

“What? No, I’m fine. Just a lot of new stuff. Like, Jackson being in the pack now and he and Lydia being stronger than ever. There goes my chance,” Stiles said with a forced smile as he threw his hands into the air. 

“Right dude, sorry. But hey, at least you still got me. Haha,” Scott laughed as he playfully punched Stiles in the arm. 

“Ouch, dude.” 

“Sorry. Werewolf strength. Still getting used to it.” 

“It’s been eight months; you should be used to it by now.” 

“Probably.” 

Stiles just sighed and punched Scott back, as hard he could, knowing he would never actually hurt him and then continued to walk to class. 

| |

“Dude, you made it,” Scott exclaimed as he ran over to greet Stiles as he climbed out of his jeep. 

“Yeah, wouldn’t miss it for the world Scotty.” 

The two teens arrived at the back of the Hale house just in time to see Jackson land a lucky shot to Derek’s jaw. Stiles flinched at the sight, knowing he had to keep his wavering emotions in check near all these werewolves. 

“Man, this is like, live UFC action right here,” Scott said into Stiles’ ear. 

“Yeah,” was all that Stiles could make out in return. It had taken him a long time to be able to see fists again and not think of _him_. A long time to not jump at the sound of a squirrel running by his window or someone knocking at the door; even in broad daylight. Scott, of course, was oblivious to all of that. He believed all of Stiles’ lies about just missing his mom or hating that his dad worked so much. They weren’t complete lies, but not the reason that Stiles was so on edge. He was thankful that it wasn’t until four months after the incident that Scott was bitten. He knew that if Scott was a werewolf while Stiles was going through all of that, he would have smelled it on him. And that was not something Stiles wanted. He wanted to forget about the whole thing. Go about his normal life and never think of it again. And, after about two and a half months, Stiles was pretty much able to do that. He blocked the memories of that night out of his mind and focused on the now. That became increasingly easier as time went on, especially after he and Scott were thrown into the supernatural world of werewolves, kanimas, and God only knows what else. Occasionally those memories would float back into his mind. When Derek showed up in his room unexpectedly, that was when it was worst. The first time he had done it, Stiles almost had a panic attack. It was five months after the incident, one month since Scott had been bitten, and Stiles still wasn’t too fond of Derek. So, when he showed up in his room in the middle of the night, Stiles had a legitimate excuse for his frantic state. After he had calmed down enough to know that Derek wasn’t there to do anything to him, he demanded he leave and if he wished to return, use the door like everyone else. Derek, of course, didn’t listen and questioned Stiles about his odder than usual behavior. 

*Flashback*

“Stiles, what is wrong with you,” the werewolf asked as his nose picked up the spike of adrenaline coursing through the teen. 

“Nuh…nothing. I just don’t like you climbing through my window,” the teen managed to say without too much of a stutter. It wasn’t a complete lie, and he told it as convicted as possible. Hopefully Derek wouldn’t pick up on the half-truth. 

“You still have a problem with me? Even after everything I have helped Scott, and you, through?” 

“Yeah Derek. Your dark, brooding nature isn’t something I’m too thrilled with. Can you just leave please?” 

“You don’t even want to know why I’m here?” 

“Not really. Just go.” 

“Fine.” 

Stiles didn’t care why the wolf was there, he had just needed him to leave. After he was sure Derek was far enough away, he wept. He just curled up under his covers and cried until he slept. 

*End Flashback* 

Stiles was jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of breaking bones and Jackson’s defeated body falling to the ground. 

*Derek* 

Derek was hurt and shocked that the teen had been so adamant about his departure that night. He knew that Stiles felt something towards him; his wolf sensed it. He thought that the best way to gage his feelings was to see where the teen stood on the subject. Derek knew Stiles was bisexual, he just wasn’t sure what he was. Derek never thought of himself as gay, or bi, but he had a bad track record with women so maybe being with a man was the logical next step. After that night though, Stiles never wanted to be alone with him. He could sense it and see it in the little things he said or did so Derek buried his growing feelings for the teen. He only snuck into his window when absolutely necessary and almost always made sure to make enough sound that Stiles, not his father, would hear him coming. Their conversations were always quick and lacked substance. It was probably really awkward to be around the two of them because they avoided each other so noticeably. No one ever asked about it though. Derek figured they all chalked it up the fact that they ‘hated’ each other and Derek wasn’t going to correct anyone’s assumptions. 

When he saw Stiles’ face, right after Jackson had got his one and only punch in to Derek’s jaw, Derek felt his heart skip a beat. Stiles seemed to be tormented by the sight of the fighting and Derek wanted to end it right there. Wanted to go over and check on Stiles, make sure he was okay. Derek knew he wasn’t. He could feel it for the past few days. Stiles seemed more agitated than usual, more jumpy. And today, today seemed like Stiles was at his worst. The look Stiles gave at the sight of Derek breaking Jackson’s jaw and knocking him to the ground was heart wrenching. It was one of pure disgust and horror. Of all the times Stiles had glared at Derek or given him a look of disapproval, this one was the worst. To Derek, it looked like Stiles genuinely might hate him. Might just want to be away from him forever. Derek didn’t want that, his wolf didn’t want that either. He didn’t believe in finding your mate. That was some fairytale werewolves told their kids so they didn’t think they would end up alone or be outcasts in society forever. But, then, standing there so close, yet so far from Stiles, and seeing his horrified look in his eyes, Derek felt something. He felt like running over and holding Stiles, telling him it was going to be alright. Letting him cry on his shoulder or do whatever it was that the teen needed to. He felt like telling him all the things he had felt over the past eight months since he first saw him in the woods with Scott. Saw his amazing smile and heard his addicting laugh. Derek felt like making all of his pain and heartache go away, but he didn’t. He let everyone scatter about the property, talking about how awesome it was that Jackson had finally met his match. He let Scott go over to Allison and start up a conversation with her about God only knows what and he let Stiles be by himself. Everyone else seemed too interested in themselves to see it, but not Derek. Derek saw the pain in Stiles’ eyes. Saw the tears well up in his eyes and almost fall from the corners of them. Saw the way Stiles fluttered his eyes to hide the tears and then saw when Stiles’ head fell when he realized no one wanted to talk to him. Derek watched Stiles walk back to his jeep, mutter a good riddance, and drive off as no one else seemed to care.

Derek let everyone else calm down after the fight for a little while before making them all go home. A few complained, saying that tomorrow was Saturday and they had nowhere else to be but Derek was adamant so they obeyed their alpha and left. The moment the last of them had left, Derek ran into his house to change clothes before getting in his Camaro and driving to Stiles’ house. He had smelled something different on the teen tonight. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, Derek wasn’t sure he had ever even smelled that scent before, but he knew it wasn’t Stiles. Stiles was never that…that sad and Derek feared that what he smelled was a deep seeded sadness that might lead to something morbid. 

*Stiles* 

Stiles tried so hard to keep his emotions in check after Derek knocked Jackson to the ground. He tried so hard not to let anyone see his horror as heard the bones breaking. He tried so hard not to let anyone see his pain. That wasn’t hard when the fight was over. Everyone scattered around with their friends, or lovers, to talk about the fight or to gossip about how Jackson was going to get his payback. Stiles thought that he would at least have to hide his feelings from Scott; surely his best friend would stay to chat with him, but no. Scott went over to Allison, probably to try to win her over again. Stiles felt tears form in the corners of his eyes and tried to blink them away but a single one fell from the corner of his eye. He glanced around, saw that no one was paying any attention to him, except maybe Derek, and decided to leave. He had better places to be than at the Hale house under Derek’s scrutiny. When he got home, he found a note from his dad. He was going to be late, of course, if he even came home at all. Lately the sheriff had been staying at work so late that he just slept in the beds at the station for a couple hours before starting his shift all over again. He left some Chinese in fridge for Stiles and told him not to stay up too late. Why, Stiles wasn’t sure. His dad probably thought that tomorrow was a school day. ‘His days of the week have been off lately’, Stiles thought as he trudged up to his room. He grabbed his pajama pants and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Today had been a long day and all he wanted to do go to sleep, for a long time. When he climbed into the shower and felt the piercing heat against his skin, memories flooded his brain. Memories he tried so hard every day to suppress. Tears streamed down his face as he slid down the shower wall to the ground. His tears mixed with the hot water as they flowed down his chest. Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t take the pain and the terror. He just wanted to be free. Free from all the worry; from all of the sleepless nights. He grabbed his razor from the edge of the shower and contemplated whether or not it was worth it. He knew killing himself would solve all of his problems but also knew that it would create new ones for his friends and family. At least, he hoped they would care that he was gone. But then again, they were all too preoccupied with themselves to even notice him anymore. Stiles decided this was the best course of action. Instead of being helpless all the time, he was going to do something. It would help everyone, he decided. He took the blade from the razor and pressed it to his wrist and sliced vertically. He knew that cutting parallel to the veins made you bleed out faster and he just wanted to get it over with. 

*Derek* 

When Derek pulled into the driveway he knew something was wrong. His instincts told him it was not his business but his feelings for Stiles wouldn’t let him leave. As soon as Derek opened his car door his nostrils filled with the scent of blood. It rushed to his head and his wolf within flared. It wanted to taste what smelled so good, but the human in Derek suppressed the wolf and knew that something bad had happened. He knew that the smell was coming from Stiles’ room and sprinted to investigate. The front door was unlocked and Derek opened it with ease then flew up the stairs. When he opened Stiles’ bedroom door the smell of iron was almost unbearable. His eyes scanned the room but didn’t see Stiles so he tried to hone in in the scent of blood.  He followed it to Stiles’ bathroom door and Derek paused. He wasn’t sure he was prepared for what he thought he was going to find. In that small pause is when he heard a faint heartbeat. Derek rushed through the locked door and swore he felt his heart stop. There, on the shower floor, was Stiles, paler than usual, in a small pool of blood. His eyes were closed, head flopped to one side. Derek panicked briefly before registering that no one else but he could help Stiles. Quickly, he turned off the water and grabbed a towel to wrap around Stiles’ wrist. He held onto it with all of his strength until he was sure the bleeding had stopped. He tied the towel tightly onto Stiles’ wrist and grabbed the teen under his knees and behind his neck to carry him to his bed. Derek laid Stiles down on top of the covers and shimmied Stiles’ pajama pants onto his naked bottom half. After he was sure Stiles was breathing and going to be okay, Derek went and sat in the corner of the room in the rocking chair that was there and waited. Two hours later, Derek heard Stiles stir and ran right by his side. The teen took a few minutes to blink his eyes and wince in pain as he realized he wasn’t dead and that his forearm hurt like hell. When his eyes finally adjusted to the dark, they registered the figure looming beside him and flew open wide. 

“No, please! NO!” Stiles scurried up the mattress until his back hit the headboard and he couldn’t go any further. He put his hands out in front of him to stop the man who was getting progressively closer. 

“Stiles, what? No, Stiles, it’s me. Derek.” 

“No please don’t hu –Derek?” 

Stiles was thoroughly confused now. Why the hell was Derek in his room? And for that matter, why was Stiles clothed, laying in his bed. He should be in a pool of blood in his shower. 

“Yes Stiles. Shh. Calm down. It’s just me,” Derek said as comfortingly as possible. 

“What…what are you doing here?” 

“I came by to make sure you were okay and it’s a good thing I did. What the hell were you thinking?” 

“How? How did I get in bed? Wearing pants?” 

“I –I couldn’t leave you naked.” 

“Oh my God you touched me!? Oh my God, no. No, no no no no. Not agai –no. Why? Why would you do that?! How could you do that to me!? How Derek,” Stiles sobbed into his still weak hands. He had lost a decent amount of blood but not enough that a little rest couldn’t fix. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but cry. Why? Why had Derek done that to him? How could he? He thought he was… decent. Not a…not that. 

“Stiles, what is wrong? What did I do?” 

“You..you…” Stiles broke out in hysterical crying. He couldn’t form words, just emotions. So many emotions in his head. So many emotions wanting to come out at once. 

*Derek* 

“Stiles. Stiles?” 

Derek didn’t know what was wrong with the teen. He had thought he had been helping. No one actually wanted to die. As hard as his life had been up until that point, Derek had thought about suicide so many times. But, he knew that he would regret it. He knew now that Stiles would, should, too. There shouldn’t be any reason for his life to be that bad that he wanted to die. 

“Stiles,” Derek tried again but to no avail. He couldn’t make out words for the sobbing that was going on. Derek didn’t know what to do. He wanted to make Stiles better. Make him feel better. Make him feel like he is needed. Against his better judgment, Derek moved closer to Stiles to pull him into a hug. He figured Stiles would jump at the sensation but he couldn’t have predicted what Stiles had actually done. 

“NOOOOO! NO, don’t touch me! No don’t!” 

Derek didn’t let up his grip on him. He figured it would take a minute for Stiles to get over the shock of being hugged by him, Derek Hale, of all people. 

“Stop, please,” Stiles managed to say between sobs. 

“Please don’t. Please.” 

Derek didn’t understand. Stiles was terrified. He could hear his heartbeat racing with every second that dragged by. He could smell his fear radiating off of him. But why? Why was Stiles so scared? Sure, Derek had crushed Jackson tonight but Stiles had seen Derek fight plenty of times before. Whatever was making him so scared couldn’t have had to deal with Derek. It had to be something unrelated to him and the supernatural. Stiles’ fear was deeply rooted inside himself. It had to be something from long before Derek had met the teen. But what? 

“Stiles. Stiles, shh. It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you. Shh.” Derek didn’t know what else to do so he just held on to Stiles even harder. The teen didn’t say anything else after that. He just laid ridged in Derek’s arms. Meanwhile, Derek was busy trying to figure out what could have happened to make him hate being touched so much. At first he thought abuse. But Derek knew the sheriff loved Stiles more than anything and there was no way he would lay a hand on him. Then Derek thought about anyone else who could have had access to Stiles to hurt him and the only person he came up with was Scott. There was no way Stiles was scared of Scott. So what is it? Derek couldn’t think of anything else so he just held onto Stiles. Eventually the teen’s heart started to slow down and his muscles started to loosen. He leaned into Derek’s chest and Derek held onto him even more. After a while they fell back onto the bed, Stiles curled up to Derek’s chest, Derek’s arm around Stiles’ waist. Stiles calmed down enough to tell Derek he was sorry, over and over again. 

“I’m sorry Derek. I –“ 

“Shh, Stiles. It’s okay.” 

“I just…I…” 

“I don’t need an explanation. If you wanted to tell me, you would have. Just sleep. You need rest.” 

“I just…I thought it was…I thought you were…” And tears fell from Stiles’ eyes again. He blubbered into Derek’s chest until he fell asleep. Derek still couldn’t think of what Stiles thought he was going to do to him. What could possibly be so horrific? Derek had no idea, so he just drifted asleep listening to Stiles’ heartbeat. 

*Stiles* 

When Stiles woke up the sun was up and shining bright, high in the sky. He knew that meant it had to be passed noon. Suddenly, he felt himself going up and down in a steady rhythm. Almost like, like someone was breathing under him. He turned his head down and saw a faded black to grey shirt. He jumped at the sight, not really remembering the night before. Stiles was halfway across the room when his brain started to run again and he remembered Derek. Derek had been there with him last night. Derek had saved him from dying. Derek had tried to comfort him. Derek had held him while he slept. Derek. Then Stiles remembered how he had acted. What he thought Derek had done or was trying to do to him. He should have known Derek wasn’t like that. Derek was…different. But in a good way. The dark brooding werewolf still kind of scared Stiles but only because of his power. Derek was so powerful. Maybe that’s what Stiles needed. Maybe he needed someone like that around to make him feel safe. 

“Stiles? Are you okay?” Damn, Stiles was really hoping Derek was a heavy sleeper. 

“Yeah…yeah. Just –I didn’t expect to wake up to a guy, you, in my bed.” 

“Uh, yeah. I was going to leave but you were finally asleep and I was afraid that if I moved you might –“ 

“Derek, it’s okay. I’m glad you didn’t go.” 

“Oh, you are?” 

“Yeah, I…um.” Stiles really didn’t know how to say this. He had been holding in all these feelings, all the bad things that had happened to him for so long that putting it in words was nearly impossible. 

“I…there’s something I have to tell someone…you. I just don’t know how.” 

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not here to make you spill your soul to me.” 

“But I want to. I have to tell someone, Derek. I’ve been hiding it for so long; I need to get it out. I thought that if I buried it, it would go away. But it doesn’t go away. It just keeps killing me a little more and more each day and I don’t know what else to do. Maybe if I tell someone, maybe then it will be better.” Stiles rambled on about how much he wanted to tell Derek but really, he didn’t want to, he wanted to tell Scott. But Scott wasn’t here; he was probably shacked up with Allison somewhere, so Derek would have to do. Now Stiles just had to figure how to tell Derek. It’s not something he can think about let alone say aloud. 

“Okay. I’ll sit here and you can tell me. Whenever you are ready.” 

Derek motioned that he would remain on Stiles’ bed and Stiles could sit wherever he wanted as he told his story. 

“Yeah, uh….um. So, no interrupting me okay? What I’m going to tell you is hard enough to say without you being…you.” 

“Thanks Stiles…Okay. I’ll stay quiet. Wow, this was the most terrifying moment of Stiles’ life. Even the event wasn’t as bad as it was going to be telling about it. Stiles was at least able to block some of it out while it was happening, but now. Now he had to relive every horrific detail to a guy he still wasn’t quite okay being alone with. Not because he thought he would hurt him, but because he reminded him too much of him. It wasn’t fair to Derek. Derek never did anything drastic to hurt Stiles. But still, the similarities were there. 

“Ok..so..umm. A year ago, well I guess it was a year and one day ago because yesterday was the one year anniversary. But yeah, anyway. Umm, I was sleeping. And my dad was working, of course. And,” Stiles was having a harder time with this than he thought,” well. I guess I should say that I didn’t used to lock the house up. Ya know, cause I didn’t know werewolves and other ridiculous supernatural creatures existed so I didn’t have to worry about being killed in my sleep. But I guess I should have worried about that more, huh? And so yeah. My window was unlocked and I was sleeping and … I –I never heard it open.” Stiles was starting to cry a little now. He didn’t want Derek to see him like that, again, but he just couldn’t help it. It was just so painful. 

“And umm, I –I woke up for some reason, and there was a…a….there was a guy. And he was in my room and at first I thought I was dreaming and I didn’t…I didn’t think he was going to do that…” 

Stiles had to take a little breath before he continued. He knew it was all or nothing now. He was going to tell Derek the story, the whole story. 

*Derek* 

Derek was thrilled that Stiles evidently felt comfortable enough with him to tell him something that he clearly hadn’t ever told anyone else. He was happy that he was finally going to figure out a little of Stiles’ back story. He just never thought it was going to be this. When Stiles said there was a guy in his room Derek was pretty sure he knew where the story was going. He really wanted to hold Stiles and tell him he didn’t have to say anything more but he knew Stiles needed this. He knew Stiles had to get it off his chest and Derek wasn’t going to make him distrust him even more. 

“And so, like, I was quiet and…still. And he walked over to my bed and I saw this look in eyes and I knew. I knew he was going to do something, something bad. And I was so terrified and I think my heart might have stopped. And he took off his…his shirt. And pants and his…everything and…” 

Oh God no. This isn’t where Derek thought the story was going. He thought the guy had robbed Stiles. Beaten him into telling him where a safe or something was. But not this. Not what Stiles was about to describe. 

“Breathe Stiles.” 

Stiles nodded, took a deep breath and continued. 

“And he pulled my covers down. And…umm, he got into bed. And I tried to hit him. I tried to fight back but he was so strong and he hit me a few times. And umm…”

Well now Derek understands why Stiles doesn’t like to see the fists and fights. All of his wincing makes so much sense now. 

“And umm, said I had to keep quiet or else. And then he –I only slept in boxers then and he uh…pulled them down. And I…I didn’t want him to. I tried really hard…,” Stiles was crying hysterically now and Derek was afraid he might have a panic attack. 

“He was just so strong and he was touching me and…and I just tried and I couldn’t stop him. And he was…he was in…in…me and it hurt so bad. And I just wanted him to stop. And begged him to stop and he wouldn’t. And when he was done, he gave me a shower and scrubbed me, everywhere, and inside, until he thought I was clean enough and then he left. And I just…” Stiles broke down. There was no more controlling his emotions. He was broken down over the last year and needed someone to share it with. He felt so liberated now. 

When Stiles was done with his story, Derek had no idea what to do or think. He couldn’t believe that that had happened to him. To the sheriff’s son of all people. Derek wasn’t really good with things like this, showing emotions and what not. He went over to Stiles and drew him into a hug. Maybe it wasn’t what the teen wanted but it was what Derek thought he needed. He thought Stiles needed to be showed love and attention. 

“Stiles I am so sorry that happened to you.” 

Stiles nodded against Derek’s chest. Derek loved the feeling of being so close to Stiles. Having his chin rest on the teen’s head as they both hung onto each other for dear life. Derek could stay like that forever. He could be connected like this to Stiles for an eternity and wouldn’t be long enough. But, standing there, even a werewolf had his limits. After what seemed like hours but what really no more than twenty minutes, the guys made their way over to the bed and laid down just like they had the previous night. Stiles was nuzzled in very close to Derek and Derek kept a protective arm over his waist, drawing him in as close as possible. 

“I –I begged him Derek. I wanted him to stop and he wouldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. I was helpless, just like now with you guys and –“ 

“No, Stiles. You are not helpless. You are strong. You are part of a pack that would do anything for you. I –we would die for you Stiles.” 

“You don’t have to say that just because you know how broken I am.” 

“You aren’t broken. You are perfect.” 

*Three months later and Derek and Stiles are dating, and have been for about a two months.* 

*Stiles* 

Stiles liked being around Derek. Liked having him on his side of every argument. Liked having him to make sure he was safe and that nothing that even resembled danger even came close to him. Stiles liked having a boyfriend. It had taken him a few weeks to realize that the reason he told Derek wasn’t convenience, it was because he wanted to. He wanted to give him and Derek a connection that neither of them had with anyone else. With Derek knowing what happened though, came fear of rejection. Stiles knew what Derek said, but just because he said it doesn’t make it true. He also feared that Derek would tell someone, his father maybe. But Derek had put that fear to rest when he told Stiles that whatever was said was always just between the two of them if that was what Stiles wanted. Derek told him that he would always do whatever Stiles wanted. Stiles loved the sound of that. And that was the day they officially became a couple. They never talked too extensively about why Stiles hadn’t ever told anyone else about his rape. Stiles told Derek that he didn’t want pity, he didn’t want to be thought of differently and he didn’t want to worry everyone else. He also told Derek that he was scared and he thought the best way to deal with that was to bury it. Clearly, that was not the best way to handle things, and Stiles made a mental note of that. Derek promised him that that conversation was classified also. Stiles’ words, not Derek’s. Lastly, Stiles told Derek that he had no idea who the man was anyway and that he would never be able to identify him so there was no use getting the cops involved. Derek hesitantly agreed. They never formally discussed Stiles’ attempted suicide, but he was pretty sure Derek would make sure it never happened again. 

When it came time to tell Scott and the rest of the pack, along with his dad, about their relationship, Stiles got cold feet. He really didn’t think that they had to know his personal business but Derek insisted no more secrets, so they told. First, Scott. Stiles told him alone, at their favorite arcade, so that, fingers crossed, Scott wouldn’t make a big scene. And thankfully, he didn’t. Scott was always supportive of his best friend and then was no different. He did tell Stiles though that if Derek ever hurt him, he would kill him. And Stiles was pretty sure Scott was serious. 

Telling the rest of the pack was easy because, to be honest, he didn’t really care what the rest of them thought. He and Derek held a little pack meeting and explained their relationship situation and everyone just stared, like they all already knew anyways. The tough one to break the news to was his father. Stiles picked a night where his dad had off, planned an amazing (healthy) meal, and invited Derek over so the three of them could talk. The talk went surprising well with minimal threats to Derek’s life from the Sheriff. And, again, Stiles was pretty sure he was serious. The thing that the sheriff said that really got to him most was, “I don’t want to find used condoms all over my house. But you two better use protection!” 

Sex was not an easy subject for Stiles after what he had went through and he knew his father was just trying to lighten the mood, kind of, and had no idea of Stiles’ situation so he just put on a fake smile and changed the subject. 

After dinner, Stiles went back to Derek’s place with him to discuss that evening’s proceedings. Again, the sheriff joked that Derek better not get Stiles pregnant and again, Stiles laughed halfheartedly and walked out the door. 

*Derek* 

Finally being able to convince Stiles that Derek was worth having around seemed like it took centuries, but when Stiles finally agreed to date him, Derek was thrilled. He would do anything for Stiles. Anything to make him happy and take away his hurt. 

Telling the pack about them was a breeze, he wasn’t so sure why Stiles was so nervous. They could probably smell the attraction anyway. And he didn’t have too much of a problem telling the sheriff either until he made the joke about sex and he could feel the uneasiness surrounding Stiles. Derek made a mental note to ask about that later, and let Stiles change the subject to something he was a little more comfortable talking about. The rest of the evening was great. Stiles had prepared a very tasty meal and when it was decided that Stiles was going home with Derek, the sheriff made another sex joke and Derek thought Stiles might explode with anxiety. 

When they got to Derek’s, Stiles practically ran through the door and beat Derek inside. Derek knew he was trying to avoid the inevitable conversation they were going to have and he wasn’t going to let him do it. 

“Stiles, we gotta talk.” 

“Not tonight Derek, I’m super tired.” 

“Stiles.” 

“No Derek. Please?” 

“You know we have to have this discussion at some point. Might as well get it over with right?” 

“Fine.” 

“Good, now sit beside me so I don’t have to yell at you across the room.” 

“Aye aye captain.” Stiles went over and through his legs over Derek’s thighs and rested his back against the arm rest. 

“Stop. This isn’t a joke Stiles.” 

“I know. I know Derek. I just…it’s not an easy subject for me.” 

“And I know that. But if we don’t talk about it now, when will we?” 

“You’re right. As always,” Stiles sighed. It was true though. Derek was pretty much always right. 

“Why did you freak out inside when your dad mentioned sex?” 

“Wow, just jump right in don’t you?” 

“Stiles.” 

“Sorry….I just didn’t really want to get into our sex life with him. That’s all.” 

“We don’t have a sex life.” It was true. Derek had made a pass at Stiles a few times when he could smell the teen’s arousal but nothing ever came of it. Derek could sense how uncomfortable Stiles was with sex and made it a point to control his own urges. The last thing he wanted to do was force something on to his boyfriend. 

“I –yeah well. He doesn’t need to know that either.” 

“That’s not all. I can see it in your face. I can hear it in your heartbeat. I can smell it on you. You’re lying.” 

“Look, Derek, I can’t, okay? I can’t,” Stiles exclaimed as he jumped off of Derek’s lap and across the room again. 

“I can’t be with you like that. I can’t do it! Just thinking about it makes me think of him and I don’t want to! I don’t want to think of that monster Derek! I don’t!” 

“Shh, Stiles. It’s okay. Come here,” Derek said as he went over and pulled Stiles into one of his infamous hugs. 

“I am never going to make you do something you are uncomfortable with. Never.” 

“But…but you have to want to…ya know. Do it. I mean, you have needs.” 

“Yes, I do. But I will wait for decades if I have to until you are ready. I love you and don’t want you to ever forget that.” 

“I…I –love you too.” 

“You don’t have to say it just because I did.” 

“I know. I didn’t. I wanted to.” 

“Good. I do love you Stiles. And I would never dream of hurting you. I hope you know that.” 

“I do. It’s just…I don’t want to start something…and ruin it for you.” 

That made Derek chuckle. Nothing that Stiles did could ever ruin sex for him. Hell, just thinking about a fully clothed Stiles made Derek’s cock stand to attention. 

“Nothing we do will ruin us, Stiles.” 

“Do you want to try then?” 

Derek was taken aback by the question. He didn’t think Stiles would be ready for anything even remotely sexual for a while longer. He still grimaced when Derek’s hand strayed too far up his thigh. 

“Stiles, that’s up to you. But don’t, I repeat, don’t want you to do anything because you think you have to. I am not going anywhere.” 

“I know, but I want to.” 

*Stiles* 

He had no idea what he was thinking when he asked Derek to have sex. Stiles knew he wasn’t ready. There was no way. He still had flashbacks of his…incident. But he wanted to make Derek happy and he really did kind of want to see what it was like…consensually. When he was with him it was a terrible, filthy feeling. He felt like the scum of the Earth and was really hoping that sex, in general, was not that way. And he really did want to make love to Derek. It sounded cheesy and cliché but when Derek said that he loved him, it just felt like the right thing to do, to at least try sex. 

Derek pulled himself away from Stiles and looked into his gorgeous brown eyes before leaning into a kiss. Stiles liked kissing Derek. It took him a month after they had been a couple for him to be okay with kissing. He realized it was a fun activity, especially with the talented mouth of Derek Hale. Stiles tried to deepen the kiss, only to be pushed away by Derek. 

“Are you sure Stiles,” Derek asked, out of breath already. 

Was he sure? Stiles wasn’t even sure if he was sure. Sure he wanted to be as close as possible to his boyfriend? Yes. Sure he wanted to make Derek happy? Yes. Sure he wanted to have sex? Yes. Sure he was ready to have sex at that second? He had no idea. But, in true Stiles fashion, he jumped right in without really thinking and said, “Yes, Derek. I am sure.” 

And that was all it took for Derek to unleash the beast from within that had been begging Derek to do all the things he dreamt about. Derek pushed Stiles up against the nearest wall and ravished his mouth with his. Stiles’ tongue battled Derek’s in a futile effort for control, he knew Derek was going to let him set the pace. Stiles licked and memorized every inch of Derek’s mouth before moving to his neck. Stiles knew that baring your neck was a sign of submission in wolves. He didn’t expect Derek to do that. He just really wanted to mark Derek as his own. So, when Derek drew his own head to the side, revealing his neck for Stiles’ taking, Stiles was shocked. He went in to Derek’s neck and just inhaled. Inhaled the scent of Derek. He peppered kisses all over Derek’s throat and sucked at the little crevice in his collarbone until he was satisfied with the mark he had left. He pushed Derek back so he could take off his shirt and reveal those perfectly toned abs of his dreams. Stiles marveled at Derek’s body. He loved seeing his mark on him. It made the whole situation seem right. But then the mark started to fade and Stiles’ face sank. 

“I want my mark to stay on you Derek. Don’t let it heal. Please?” 

“Anything you want.” The mark stopped fading and started to bruise slightly. Stiles was very happy with the way things were going so far. Then, again, Derek had him pressed up against the wall. This time, his mouth was on Stiles’ neck, hands roaming up his shirt. A struggled moan escaped his lips as Derek stopped his assault on his neck with his mouth to take Stiles’ shirt off. They were separated only momentarily before Derek was pressed right back into him. The feeling of flesh to flesh was a little overwhelming to Stiles, but he kept his mind focused on the amazing things Derek was doing with his mouth on Stiles’ skin. 

“Bed, Stiles.” Stiles just nodded as Derek grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. As soon as they got in and the door was shut, Derek pressed him against the wall again, this time his back was to Derek’s chest. The cold wood of the door pressed against his naked chest and his straining erection. Derek worked his way down Stiles’ back, nipping, licking and sucking while his hands roamed up and down Stiles’ torso. It was hard for Stiles to not envision it being him, but he just tried to slow his breathing and keep his mind on Derek. Suddenly, Derek spun him around, grabbed both his wrists and pinned them above his head so he could plant kisses on the front of Stiles’ flawless body. Stiles’ mind went into overdrive. All he could see was the man, hovering above him. Dark and unforgiving eyes, brute strength holding him down while he took something from Stiles he would never get back. And Stiles freaked out. He jumped, screamed and kicked at Derek until he released his arms and Stiles fell down the door to the bedroom floor. Derek was right there beside him, holding him tight, whispering that it was going to be okay into his ear. 

“I’m sorry Derek. I just…he held me down like that.” 

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I didn’t know, I am sorry.” 

“No, you’re right. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.” 

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” Stiles didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve such an amazing and understanding boyfriend. He felt terrible for freaking out on Derek and probably ruining the mood for him. But Stiles was still pretty painfully hard in his jeans and he was willing to keep going if Derek was. When Derek laid Stiles out on the bed and leaned down to kiss him on his forehead, Stiles took full advantage of Derek being slightly off balance and grabbed him; pulling him down on top of him. 

“Mmm, Stiles. What are you doing?” 

“Please Derek. I want this. Can’t you feel how much I want this?” Stiles’ straining erection was pressed firmly into Derek’s hip. 

“You’re not ready.” 

“I am, please Derek,” Stiles pleaded. He rocked his groin up into Derek’s hip and felt his breath suddenly turn ragged. 

“You have to tell me if you want me to stop, Stiles. I’m not going to be able to on my own. I’ve wanted you for such a long time.” Derek leaned in and pressed a small kiss to his chest. “Promise Stiles?” 

“Yes Derek. I do, please just…just do something.” 

Derek chuckled and started to play with one of Stiles’ nipples. Stiles knew Derek loved the little noises each nibble or pull made him make. He made no point in trying to suppress his moans. It would be useless on many levels. “Mmm, Derek.” Stiles was really going to have to ask him where he learned to do those amazing this with his tongue…but that would have to be later. Now, Derek was moving to the edge of his pants. He unbuckled Stiles’ belt and watched the teen for a reaction. When he didn’t see anything too obvious, he unbuttoned the pants. That’s when he heard Stiles’ heartbeat quicken. That’s when he heard his breathing hitch. That’s when he saw him bite his lower lip and tense his muscles. 

“No Derek, keep going.” 

“Are you s –“ 

“YES.” 

Derek removed Stiles’ jeans to reveal his Star Wars boxers. That made Stiles’ face flush. The one day he felt like being a little more comfortable just had to be the day he and Derek were finally going to do it. Just his luck. Derek didn’t say anything though, just shook his head and kissed the tops of his hips that were peeking through the fabric. Stiles willed his heart to slow down and his breathing to return to normal; well normal given the circumstances. Derek’s hands traveled from the tips of Stiles’ toes all the way up to hips where they stopped and stayed. He rubbed little circles into his thighs with his thumbs and waited for Stiles to be okay with the contact before he continued. 

“I’m going to take your boxers off now, okay?” 

Stiles nodded. 

“I need a yes or no Stiles. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want me to.” 

“Yeah –yes Derek. It’s fine, please.” His erection was really starting to be painfully hard and he needed a release, even a small one. Derek’s hands gently found their way under the waistband and pulled off the boxers in, what Stiles thought, record time. Derek sat back on his heels and stared at what was his. Every inch of Stiles was finally his for the taking. He dropped his head to Stiles’ erection and darted his tongue out to meet the sensitive flesh. 

“Uh, ahh.” Stiles guessed Derek liked what he heard because he went from barely touching him to having his mouth completely surrounding him in just under five seconds. Stiles never knew the heat and wetness could feel so good. He laid on the bed in astonished awe as Derek bobbed up and down making it very hard to control himself. He fisted the sheets and arched his hips into Derek’s mouth. Derek didn’t do anything to stop him; just let him do what he wanted. Get what he needed out of the moment. 

“Oh God, Derek. So –uh. So close.” 

Derek stopped what he was doing and got off of the bed. He walked over to the side of the bed and motioned for Stiles to take his pants off. Stiles’ hands were a little shaky as he undid Derek’s belt and button and pushed down his faded jeans. When they were sufficiently low, Derek stepped out of them and looked down at Stiles who was peering up at him. Derek just nodded, seemingly knowing what Stiles was thinking. Stiles raked his blunt finger nails over Derek’s abs and down to his boxer briefs. He slipped a finger underneath on both sides and pulled down; unmasking Derek’s own straining erection. After Derek slipped out of his underwear he opened the dresser drawer and pulled out a condom  and lubricant. Stiles swallowed hard at the thought that they were actually going to do this. He felt the bed dip between his knees as Derek sat on his in the middle of Stiles’. He heard the ‘pop’ of a bottle cap and felt his heart race again. He thought he was going to have a panic attack and he wasn’t even sure why. All the thoughts about that night, over a year ago, were long gone from his mind at that moment. He just wanted Derek. Just wanted to feel him. What he felt was a cool finger brush up against his entrance. 

“Do you trust me Stiles?” 

Stiles nodded again but then realized Derek wasn’t going to do anything without a verbal say so. 

“Yes Derek, I trust you.” 

Derek’s first finger made its way into Stiles’ tight muscle and rested halfway in to give him time to adjust. When Derek was sure he was okay, he moved his finger the rest of the way in and waited another moment before moving it. Stiles squirmed beneath Derek’s touch and craved more. After two or three minutes of one finger he just needed more. “Mmm –more Derek,” Stiles pleaded as he started to rock his hips. Derek inserted another finger and a few moments later, another. They stayed like that for a while, Stiles rocking his hips on Derek’s fingers, Derek occasionally bending them to brush against Stiles’ prostate. After what seemed like an eternity to Stiles, Derek removed his fingers, leaving Stiles feeling empty inside. He heard the sound of ripping foil and a grunt from Derek before feeling Derek’s tip at his entrance. Before doing anything else, he brought one of Stiles’ knees up and planted his foot on the bed. Then he slowly entered him, stopping momentarily here and there to let Stiles adjust, which he was thankful for. Derek was bigger than those three fingers and he could feel himself stretching. It wasn’t painful, not like before. No, this time it was mostly pleasure as Derek started to rock his hips slowly in and out of Stiles.  Stiles threw his head back and arched his back, encouraging Derek to go deeper. Derek took that as an invitation to stroke Stiles’ erection. He pumped it in time with his thrusts, twisting and thumbing at the head occasionally. Stiles knew he wasn’t going to last too much longer, but he wanted to, had to wait for Derek. He knew he wasn’t going to be waiting much longer when Derek’s thrusts became untimed and without rhythm. 

“Oh, mmm. Stiles, I’ve wanted you for so –uh, long. Oh God you feel so good.” 

“Mmm, Derek. So close.” 

“Me too.” 

A few thrusts later and Derek was climaxing. Stiles was right behind him. A few more strokes to his erection and he was screaming Derek’s name in pleasure; muscles tightening around him. As they both came off of the high of their orgasms, Derek slowly pulled out of Stiles and laid down beside him. Stiles remained quiet for a few minutes and could tell Derek was starting to worry. 

“Stiles, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m perfect.” 

“Yes, yes you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my favorite fic I've written, but I don't think it's too bad. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Please let me know if I missed a tag!


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